Trials and Transitions..an angery Transgirl Rant

I have been strugleing with this all day now, trying and trying to figure out how to word this.

you see I did not want it to come out sounding like an angery Transgernder girl rant, but this is an Angry Transgender Girl rant!

so if I rub a few nerves RAW, so be it!!!


A few days ago I attended the local Kink Groups 3rd thursday Munch, its held every third Thursday here in Rochester, MN.

I had a good time, got to see a few that i know and meet a bunch of others I had not met before.

Now i will be up front, i went wearing my Foxx ears, wich ment i had to wear my hair pulled back into a high ponytail, and with my hair pulled back my face looks more male. Alos i was also wearing a men's style t-shirt that was a bit snug, so you couldnt miss the shape of my breasts in my bra, or the fact I was wearing a bra.

a couple of the people there mis-genderd me, but once corrected gentily were spot on the rest of the night with pronouns and such.

spin the clock forward a few days, and I get a note in my Fetlife inbox.

this note was from someone who is listed as a fetlife friend, and part of it was saying "maybe i should dress more Feminine till people get to know better."

thing is I am a bit of a tomboy at heart, my counsler knows this and she says that there are all types of women, from the uber Fem, to the uber butch.

but this person who only really knows me from a few get togethers thinks i need to be more female in my behavior and dress.

It take's me alot of work to look more female, I am a late onset Transgender girl, what does this meen?

I realized late in my life, in my late 30's that i was not happy with myself as a male type person, i had been near suicidal for a number of years, i did a lot of depression binge eating, this put me well over 300 pounds when I started my transition.

Top that with the fact i am over 6 foot tall, and have broad shoulders, I will always stand out, and likely will never quite pass completly.

this i know, but i have still moved foreward in transition, and my dedication and to my new life, has earnd me my first surgery letter from my counsler, what does this mean?

It means my counsler agrees with me that Gender Reassignment Surgery, is the right thing for me.



So am I female enough?

I think i will be once i have my GRS surgery, and as for now I am a work in progress, if this means i can be your friend, then don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out, or do, i just cant be botherd to care.


ARF!

Just washed the Fur..

.. and I cant do a thing with it.

Yes I am fresh out of the shower, and now im sitting here in my Secret Underground Lair, wearing only my terry cloth wrap, and my wonderfull wyred Slave Collar from: http://wyredslave.com/index.html

and now I'm busy enjoying one of the pleasures i've found in wearing my collar 24/7.

the collar is stainless steel, and when I shower, i like to make it as hot as I can stand it, and the last thing I do is let the water run across the collar and heat it up, so that after the bathing, I can enjoy the WONDERFULL sensations of the collar cooling on my neck.

yes, this has become something i truely enjoy.

Till Later,

Arf

Ferret Friday

Here we see isabell helping the white nine tail feal better.

Ferret Friday

In all the busy i had to see the new Primary care person today, i almost forgot about Ferret Friday.

And We cant forget about Ferret Friday, so here we go.

Here we have Diesel and little Isabell curled on top of him, they are inside of a 12 pack soda box.

The new Year starts

So here we are,

A shiny new year, and so on.

And I thought I should put several things down to share with the few that actully read my little Blog.

First a little more about me,

You might notice quite a few misspellings or weird spellings in the things I wright out, this is because i have output dyslexia, and a minor bit of dyslexia when it comes to math as well.  it has been a curse my whole life, and wasnt discoverd till i was in college, it was assumed i was just lazy in learning to spell, but the dyslexia was the culprate.

I love to drink coffee but it doesnt do anything for me, the cafine does not efffect me in any identifiable way, I have have a coffee beverage that would set some to vibrateing late at night, then go home and go to bed.
I started drinking coffee in the third grade, I was hyperactive and couldnt pay attention, as its called now days, ADHD. and my doctor of the time gave my parents a choice, either the NEW experimental drug called   Ritalan, or Half a cup of coffee every morning before school.  My parents decided on the coffee, and they told the school this, the school responded that Coffee was only there for the teachers bennifit, and not for students. So after a couple days of coffee, my parents didnt give me any, needless to say, the school called home within an hour of the school day starting to ask my parents how much, and how i liked my coffee.

They caught on real quick.

My biggest hope for this year, i hope to gather the money ill need for my GRS, now this isnt cheep and i dont plan on going to a US surgeon, as i dont like any of the US doctors plans for after care, I wish to go to a doc in Thailand, and thats a long flight, as Thailand is exactly 12 hours differnt from Minnesota in the Time zones, so that 6 AM here is 6 PM there.  My estimate for the travel and the stay and procedure is arround $26,000 dollars.

Quite the sticker shock isnt it, but the medical establishment continues to think of this operation as elective, so there are only a few doctors who do the procedure.

so I guess this is enough to chew on for new,

Arf!

It's not easy being Green

Yes, it's not easy, this path that I am hikeing along at times the path is uneven and rocky, and other times well maintained and crowded.

As I have stated, I am Male to Female Transgender.  I was also a late onset Transgender person, what this means is i realized much later in my life then many.  While growing up I always had this little corner in the back of my mind that sat there going, "something isn't quite right with me, i'm not sure what it is, but something..."

Some might say i was just looking for an excuse, but it was never this way. some might say i didnt have proper role models of male and female when i was growing up, Well. bunk to that, both my mother and my father taught me how to cook and bake, both of my parents taught me how to sew, i learnd car care from my father, and leatherwork, i leard cross stitch from my mother. My Grandmother took me to baseball games as she had season tickets. I was quite well rounded as a person, but that small corner persisted.

I joined the boy scouts, though my parents were resistant at first, they didnt think the program was right for me, but i persisted and soon we were all envolved. Scouting was great, but that little corner of my mind was still sitting there, still saying "Something isn't right"

I got envolved with many things, online BBS's, and MUCKS, I discoverd the Furry fandom, and found something wonderfull, things started to click.

I started questioning my sexuality, and met my first boyfriend, he was so wonderfull and sweet.
 I moed out from my moms house, and then back in when my boyfriend was murderd (Yes there are scars from that loss still effect me to this day, as the aniversry is fast approaching)

finally things got to a point when i was looking arround and realizeing that I was playing mostly female characters online in games and chat places, and the realization that many of my friends online were transgender themselfs.

and then something really *CLICKED* in my head, and i took a long hard look at myself and at my life, i sought the advice of friends online and then sought a counsler who handled gender issues, and she in turn, helped me to find the me that was there all the time, but hidden away.

and slowly, I begain to emerge from the shell I had hidden in for so long.

I started replaceing my wardrobe with more & more womens clothes, and also started on Estrogen, and Suddenly the persistant near suicidle depression that had troubled me for so long was fadeing, I was becomeing ME.

And in becomeing me, i found other things out about myself and have embraced them

Well i think this is enough rambleing for today, so at this point i do belive i will leve you with this simple picture snaped the other day.

ARF

Ferret Friday

Today being Friday,

I want to start doing Ferret Friday's, so what im going to do is post a pic of one of the ferrets we have in the house.

This is my Crazy little girl, she goes by the name of Annika, she is our seventh ferret, though we currently only have 3 with us, the others have crossed the rainbow bridge.